Words are beautiful. To produce them, I allow my fingers to move about in a rhythmic and rather therapeutic manner. These movements then deliver my thoughts and emotions into the minds of human beings who cannot be reached by the sound of my voice. I think it’s time for me to start understanding that you are now just one of those people that is out of my reach. So here are a few words to the man I no longer know and cannot seem to find.
Let me explain to you what it feels like to be told you are perfect in every way and will always be taken care of. Let me convey the emotions that rip through a young woman like myself when she is convinced she is someone’s forever. Let me express the hope and loyalty that is instilled inside of a girl who built up wall after wall only to feel as though they were peacefully torn down by a man who pulled her deeply into his love. I cannot formulate those emotions into words the same way I cannot describe the way it felt to have you rip that all to pieces.
I want you to know that I loved you. I loved you through every emotional part of the roller coaster you have brought into my life. I loved you on the days that you were pleasant and kind and also the days you were unrecognizable to me. I loved you through changing circumstance and the rapid movement of time. I even loved you when you decided that you didn’t love me anymore. I think a part of me still loves you while I sit here in the darkness, face hot with tears and disillusionment. But what I want you to know most is that I still love myself, and I still know what love really is.
The difference between you and I is that my love is unwavering. It is a love that is deep inside of my soul and gives restoration to my faith in other people. It is a love that I was taught when I was a little girl. People in this world are going to hurt me. They have, and they will again. They will love me and they will hate me. Sometimes they will do both, as you have decided to do. You have shattered my heart, but you have not shattered my love. Love is not something that is cast aside and broken. It is something that resides safely inside of each and every one us if we choose to recognize it. It is a tool for forgiveness and strength. It is faith, when we lose it in humanity. It is being able to see our own beauty and potential, even when others make those things feel non-existent. Love is a perpetual joy that saves us when all hope feels lost. Love is not something that you can take from me.
You have broken my heart, but you have not broken my love. I know you have it too, deep inside of you, and my love allows me to genuinely hope that you will understand it one day. There are no simple letters written about simple heartbreaks. There is only one simple concept, and that is that love is the most powerful entity in the world. So, I will probably allow a few more tears to fall down tonight in your honor. I will most likely shed more when I listen to a song we used to sing or see something I know would make you smile. But I will be OK. I will be OK because the love inside of me is strong and true. I will be OK because no matter how many people trample on my heart, they will never take my love. No one can, not even you.
“And there are some people who are so much that you can’t look at them without feeling as if every nerve is pushing out of your body to try to touch his synapses, and you can’t tell if your body is betraying your heart or your heart is betraying your skin.”